I was recently astounded and disgusted with my dog's behavior. She likes to lick her butthole. For a dog, this may not seem that strange, but for me, as I watched her for over 5 minutes continuing this act, I had many thoughts. Those thoughts are listed below.
There she goes again. This is getting old. I wonder what it tastes like. It must taste good because she seems to like the flavor. What if everyone's butthole tasted really good? It would be like in the Wonka factory when they tried that lickable wallpaper. "The snozzberries taste like snozzberries." That would be in the perverted version, where Wonka owned a night club. The Oompa Loompas would do more than just harvest teacup flowers, if you know what I mean.
Maybe she doesn't do it for the taste. Maybe it's actually a soothing thing. It could be the dog equivalent of chapstick or Vick's Vaporub. Her butthole could be on fire and the only thing to stop the blaze is the gently lappings of her tongue.
Is the slurping sound really necessary? I truly believe that if she was doing this in exactly the same manner but there was no slurping noise, I wouldn't be that repulsed. Sure it's sick and I don't want her near me, but if she was quiet she wouldn't be drawing attention to herself. She wouldn't be sounding the trumpets and raising banners that proudly proclaim, "I can't get enough of this thing." I also get the sense that she is mocking me. Each slurp seems to remind me that I could never perform this maneuver, no matter how hard I try.
Looks like she's done...
Nope. False alarm. How does she have this much energy? If I eat a good amount of taffy my tongue gets really tired. If this was a marathon, she would be a Kenyan. Now I am almost proud that she is my dog. She has strength of character and a good head on her shoulders.
That'll do, dog. That'll do.
