Fuck You, Joe's Crab Shack

Dear Joe's Crab Shack,
Thank you for finally getting back to me after I applied three weeks ago.  Every day I checked my email hoping that you would respond.  After a while I didn't care if it was a yes or a no, I just wanted some kind of acknowledgement.  I called and was assured that I would be considered that week, but I know how emails can get lost in transit.

 Your letter told me that you were going to "pursue candidates that are a closer match for this position".  You guys are probably right.  My resume clearly didn't emphasize that I " love smiling and dancing" or that I am "passionate" or "energetic."  Truth be told, I only like smiling and dancing.  Love is a stretch.  Instead on my application I talked about past jobs and experience that I have had and clearly, I wasn't good enough.  You want youthful and naive, with an idealistic look at the world.  I have been out of school for one year and have been hardened by the harsh reality of the streets.  I know I mentioned that I take improv classes, have been in musicals, and have worked in restaurants, but I used Times New Roman, a font that goes against everything you stand for.  I should have gone with something like Comic Sans or Bauhaus 93.  These fonts are passionate, energetic, and love to dance.


Quite frankly, I thought that just having the name Joe would give me an edge.  Isn't that the perfect way to start a conversation?  "Hi, I'm Joe, welcome to Joe's Crab Shack."  They would not forget my name that's for sure and they would respect me because they would assume that the restaurant is named after me.  But just having a name doesn't qualify me to "serve food and drinks and accommodate guests' needs in a courteous and timely manner."  And apparently neither does having a college education or working in fast food.  I don't know what would give you this kind of experience but dammit I am going to go out and try to get it so that you will eventually hire me.  Joe's Crab Shack is the highest of all shacks including Radio and Love.  I am not fit to even touch the bucket that holds your snow crab.  I understand your decision and no hard feelings.


Thank you for taking the time to read my application and reject it.  Go fuck yourself, Joe's Crab Shack.


Sincerely,


Joe Barlow