No Thanks

Instead of being serious and saying the things that I'm thankful for (family, friends, roof, etc.) I decided to make this post about the things that I'm not thankful for.  Just because I'm not thankful doesn't mean I necessarily have anything against the things listed.  It just means that I would be ok without them.

1.  Cats

Any experience that I've had with cats has never been positive.  It is either neutral or incredibly negative.  While I'm with a cat, I'm really just trying not to make it angry.  This extra caution seems to only infuriate the cat into a hissing and clawing frenzy.

2. Ham

Ham isn't that good.  I only really like ham if it is between two slices of bread and slathered in mustard.  I've actually tried that without the ham and it is equally tasty.


3.  Parsley

So this is better looking now?

What does this taste like? I don't know and I don't care.  Somehow some French chef figured that throwing a green thing on the plate with your food made it more appealing.  I don't get it.  Also included in my non-thanks list: sage, rosemary, and thyme.


4.  Earmuffs

Even with shocking fashionable colors, earmuffs suck.

There are two problems with earmuffs: they don't work that well and they don't look cool.  It's one thing to overlook fashion if there is function, but the fact is that earmuffs pale in comparison to a nice hat.  Eskimos don't wear earmuffs for a reason.


5.  Gladys Knight

Though some may call her the "Empress of Soul" I call her a poor man's Donna Summer.  Gladys Knight was made by The Pips.  Their excellent voices and choreography made her voice shine and her ego grow.  She left them and then their true talent got to shine through (I am thankful for The Pips).




6.  Pretzel M&Ms

I wanted to like Pretzel M&Ms so bad.  It seems like a great idea.  Unfortunately there is hardly any chocolate and they don't taste that good.  Crunchy M&Ms you will be missed.


7. Cancer
You'd have to be a pretty sick person to be thankful for cancer.


8.  Rob Schneider
He knows what he did.