We have grown up in a society where certain practices and behaviors are socially encouraged or discouraged. Some behaviors are deemed acceptable in certain places but not in others. For example, lighting a cigarette in a certain part of a restaurant is unacceptable, but in another part it is fine and in no way will affect the future health of the other patrons.
Nudity, in the United States, is considered unacceptable in most locations. I believe that this is a mistake that can easily be solved: more public nudity.
Nudity and the public have a fascinating history. From the first Olympics to Janet Jackson's left breast, nudity has come a long way. We are at the inexcusable point where peeing can get you on the sex offenders list.
Interestingly, one of the few places nudity is allowed in in our public schools. It begins with a scientific look at the human body. Bodily functions and healthy habits were taught at a young age. Muscles and lettuce were favored over flab and chicken nuggets. We learned the different muscle groups and were publicly humiliated when we could only do one pull up in front of the entire gym class while Stephanie, who is a foot taller than you, can do five. Nudity becomes very important when our bodies started to change. Changing for gym class got weird as some kids appeared to be a breed of half-wolf. We spent some time in health class learning about why hair was appearing and that some of our voices would soon be getting into a Barry White register.
This is where the first reason public school nudity should be allowed comes in to play: saving time. If all of the students had already identified the changes in some of the faster maturing kids, precious class time could be spent coloring or practicing cursive, instead of learning about stuff that still makes me giggle.
That is another excellent reason. People won't giggle when they hear their teacher say "penis" or "testes". (Maybe not for testes. That is pretty funny.)
Perhaps the greatest reason is the effect it will have on the health of our country. Obesity is a huge problem and if the citizens know that they have to be seen naked in front of their friends and coworkers, they will be happy to exercise and eat lots of fiber.
All of this is in addition to some of the smaller reasons: consensus on acceptable pubic hair amount, no class distinctions, fun parties, less itch, and gentle cooling breezes.
I will acknowledge the potential problems. 1. Perverts. Perverts are probably the biggest reason to not have nudity in public, but in this country, if we let perverts stop us from living a free and beautiful life then the terrorists win. 2. Clean. Imagine this, the critics will say. Timmy goes to his naked public school and sits at one desk and then the teacher changes the seating chart. Now everyone is sharing chairs and spreading whatever was going on around their butt region. It is a nightmare. My solution is simple. We can use the same technology that crafted toilet seat covers to develop a regular seat cover. It would be made of the same incredible fibers that protect in the bathroom, one of the dirtiest places imaginable next to the Playboy mansion. It would be essentially the same but with no hole in the middle. It would protect our bodies and strengthen our flimsy tissue paper industry. 3. Don't want to see that. Sure it will be great seeing some people naked. Some people take very good care of themselves and have beautiful orange spray tanned skin. On the other hand, there are also elderly and family members. While it is not ideal to see these people out in the open, we need to allow it. My plan calls for a 5 year process which gradually allows you to slip out of those clothes. Immediately we start with good looking women. Then in year two we move to good looking men. Then in year three we add everyone in their 20s. Year four it's people in their 30s and 40s. Year five is everyone. The five year plan allows us to work our way into being comfortable with nudity.
There is a reason that nudists exist. Maybe we should stop judging and dry-heaving every time we look at them. Instead we should join them and celebrate our individuality and our freedom. Let's make our private parts public.
Please email this to your local representative and demand to see them naked.
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