1. Game Show Host
This is the ideal job. People freak out when they get to be on tv and they freak out even more when they win thousands of dollars in cash and prizes. For some reason they treat the host as if the host was responsible. The host is their billionaire friend that just likes to share his wealth in the form of weekend getaways and new dinning room sets. All they have to do is play his little games. The best part is that even when the contestants lose they are still happy to have played. Also there are models. Lots of models.
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| Some shows even number their models! |
2. Rocket Scientist
If you want to win all arguments about physics, become a rocket scientist. "I bet I can toss this rock approximately 100 feet straight into the air." "What are you a rocket scientist?" "Actually yes." "Oh." You can also trivialize every other occupation and activity any time you want. All you need to remember is to belittle you friends and neighbors by saying, "Well, this sure isn't rocket science." Then laugh wildly.
3. Fireman
No one in the history of the planet has ever disliked a fireman because of something they did on the job. Cops occasionally shoot people or racially discriminate but firemen are real life super heroes, only doing good. There would be countless cat carcasses in our trees and mountains of ash in our neighborhoods were it not for firemen. You can also slide down a pole.
4. Rapper
Rap music does something to people's bodies that I can barely comprehend. Through beats and clever wordplay, rappers make women's bodies (especially their butts) lose control. From what I've been told, violent shaking and thrusting breaks out at many rap concerts. Rappers also have cool names and clothes. I wonder if there are any open positions.
5. Baseball Player
I really hate baseball. It's boring and my nacho cheese has been cold on more than one occasion. It turns out that the things that make me not like baseball make it a great job. It is slow paced, you get to wear a hat, and many of the members use steroids. Not to mention you get to adjust yourself more than would seem necessary. If you make one good play a game then you could make Sportscenter.
6. Plus Size Model
Plus size models get all the pros of being a model without the added hassle of diet and exercise. Instead they can focus on their poses and what they are ordering for lunch.
7. Fox News Host
Do you have a mouth? Do you like to yell over people and say things that don't have to be true? Do you want a lot of viewers? Then you probably already know that you are perfect for Fox News. You don't need to prepare a "script" or show "respect" to your "guests". All you have to do is open your mouth and see what comes out. Glenn Beck does it everyday, and he's famous.
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| Don't tell anyone that it isn't actually news. |
8. Stay at Home Dad
Dad's sometimes get a bad rap for being absent or not caring about their children. What better way to show how great you are by making it your full time commitment? Let your wife worry about money while you organize carpool schedules and nail appointments. While the kids are at school you can write in you "Adventures in Daddy-dom" blog and vacuum.
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| "I love being a dad!" |
Really cool website.
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