It is funny when you read a book or watch a movie that made predictions about what the world would be like in 20 years. 1984 said that we would be in perpetual war with Big Brother watching. The third Planet of the Apes movie said that in 1983 all dogs and cats would be dead, and by 1991 ape slavery would lead to the great ape rebellion. Minority Report predicted that in 2002, a Tom Cruise film about precrime would make money. These films took a chance on predicting what the world would be like in the near future. Now I would like to share with you my thoughts.
I've consulted my astrology chart so my predictions are pretty accurate. Come with me in a time machine through text, all the way to the future: the Year 2034.
In 2034, all children will have a nice tan. It will be a combination of many interracial marriages and a massive hole in the ozone layer that burns all the white people. Everyone will dress like Lady Gaga until society realizes that it's really really stupid. The most popular male name will be Zorgon and the most popular female name will be Karen. Nobody will name their child Cody.
2034 will also mark the first time a puppet became self aware. He will be a charismatic puppet named "Archie" and with a small group of followers he will get the first Puppet Bill of Rights signed into law by President Bristol Palin. He will later overdose on pain pills and cookies.
The most powerful country in the world will be Lithuania because they will develop a car that can run on their leading export: sadness. Renewable sadness cars will put Lithuania on the map, though the map will be different of the map of today. Chile will have separated from South America and join with Haiti. This makes donating much easier.
Pot will be legal and Fun Size candies will be illegal. Pants will be tighter and made of metal. Dental hygiene will be obsolete as everyone replaces their teeth with diamonds or amethyst for poor people. Soup will be available in a cold variety and males and females will be completely hairless due to extensive cellphone radiation. The board game Jumanji will have a virtual edition that is not suitable for children under 8.
A new strain of virus will break out that will leave its victims thinking they can breathe underwater. By the time they realize they can't, it will already be too late. This is how the human race will end.
Have a great day!
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