Many people dread turning into their parents. They find themselves doing some act or habit and by that point it's too late. They have already made the disgusting irreversible transformation. Generally you would expect sons to become their fathers and daughters to become their mothers, but sometimes, in rare cases, sons become mothers. In my case, I have become a desperate housewife.
I should have seen it coming. It starts with watching The View, and ends with a sickening complete metamorphosis. Somehow I went into my unemployment cocoon a sweet dude of a caterpillar and I will leave a nurturing breasted butterfly. Let me explain.
The day started like any other. I woke up, ate two tamales, and put the dog out. I did my hair and nails and went to the library. When I got back I played with the dog and her first tooth fell out. I smiled happily as if the dog were my own child. I got to thinking that dogs grow up so fast. I saved the tooth in an envelope for Stella's scrapbook that I am creating with stationary and plenty of inspirational stickers.
Then I made a meatloaf and became upset when my parents came home late. Couldn't they at least call? How hard is it to let somebody know? Why do we spend good money on cell phones if we don't even use them? I mean, hello?
Then I curled up with some Pistachio Pistachio ice cream and watched my Sex and the City dvd set.
* Author's Note: Only 5 of the above details are true. Feel free to guess in the comments section!
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